tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15443646295294406822024-03-13T18:39:21.868-05:00Mother InterruptedKristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-83739887534980597822010-07-31T18:18:00.002-05:002010-07-31T18:30:48.733-05:00EwwwI was reading at a blog I really enjoy, "Real Daughter" and she had written a post called: "<a href="http://realdaughter.blogspot.com/2010/07/birth-mothers-hate-me.html">Birth mothers hate me"</a> and of course I had to read.... Well, I want to be the first to let you know that I don't hate you... and as a "FIRST MOTHER", I would like to give a big "Shut the hell up" to<a href="http://birthmom-buds.blogspot.com/"> Birth Mom Buds</a> and I find their <a href="http://birthmom-buds.blogspot.com/">official site</a> offensive, especially when I saw that it is funded by damn adoption agencies, of course... it serves their fricking purpose, doesn't it. <br /><br />There will absolutely be no change unless we stop screwing ourselves!!!!KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-48147799886129117102010-07-22T20:41:00.004-05:002010-07-22T20:50:56.703-05:00Just the facts...I find it interesting that people who lobby for closed records use the abortion card, when the real fact is, that abortion is chosen more often by first mothers who have placed a child for adoption to avoid the pain, than by women who are in fear of their child "finding" them one day...<br /><br />So ... shouldn't they be lobbying for an end to adoption too, if that is their reasoning? if it causes more women to have abortions? or perhaps, they should give it up and give adoptees their OBC's...KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-22192482002905598462010-06-24T14:05:00.003-05:002010-06-24T14:10:28.293-05:00Sometimes....Sometimes I will come across something in someone's blog that truly touches my heart. This <a href="http://realdaughter.blogspot.com/2010/06/pour-my-life-into-paper-cup.html">post</a> did that. Adoption is painful. It hurts. I have heard of firstmothers committing suicide after realizing that they could not live without their child. Well anyway, just wanted to share the post.KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-70764925954770335412010-06-12T14:16:00.003-05:002010-06-12T14:28:48.021-05:00Support Elaine PennThis wonderful adoptee activist, Elaine Penn, will speak her truth to New Jersey legislators on Monday, June 14th at around 2pm.<br /><br />You can listen live at:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/">http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/</a><br /><br />She has endured so much due to her "maternal source" (Read story <a href="http://www.firstmotherforum.com/2009/11/wacky-website-of-woman-in-hiding-from.html">here</a>) that we all need to give her our love and support!<br /><br />Here is her <a href="http://www.ep922nj.blogspot.com/">blog</a>, give her a shout!KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-49971825808125180792010-06-02T19:54:00.002-05:002010-06-02T19:59:51.589-05:00I have been busy...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghxeR_3jvKUXqwP5XKrs3Z5GGh6m2BZRIu4f4rBuW2OwSyl4fM7wjs2RzDYeHHyvy4MBpFZButW5DQ6E-gajL6hwsvC_ANnMFTqAd5IpHZaQF6LmoUxID1QWpa4sb1yc5yYockf_KhHqw/s1600/gracesunshine.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478345751389496290" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghxeR_3jvKUXqwP5XKrs3Z5GGh6m2BZRIu4f4rBuW2OwSyl4fM7wjs2RzDYeHHyvy4MBpFZButW5DQ6E-gajL6hwsvC_ANnMFTqAd5IpHZaQF6LmoUxID1QWpa4sb1yc5yYockf_KhHqw/s320/gracesunshine.jpg" /></a><br /><div>and this is what I have been doing... This is my Granddaughter Gracie, this is my heart...</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Gracie could have been lost to adoption, however I wasn't ready to watch my daughter go through the pain I went through... So I am my daughter's support... I am "co-parenting" so to speak...</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-7701788366765537242009-03-03T12:30:00.003-06:002009-03-03T12:39:15.948-06:00Origins - USAI am a member and you should be too!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.origins-usa.org/">Origins - USA</a><br /><br />The Blog of Origins-USA.org….<br />the voice for and of mothers' rights and keeping families together.KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-86581886293158292672009-02-27T13:08:00.002-06:002009-02-27T13:32:06.976-06:00Dear Birthmother LettersRecently my sister through a forward sent me a request from an old school friend of hers. Seems the friend is drumming up support for her "agency" adoption. It directed people to her "page" on the agency's website and allowed friends of the family to send a comment or message as a "plug" so to speak for the prospective adoptive parents. On their page, and others I browsed, were "Dear <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Birthparent</span>" letters. I guess I was offended by a majority of the letters I read. I told my sister and she said truthfully she wouldn't have forwarded it to me had she realized what it was. I did not read one letter that addressed the pain the "FIRST MOTHER" would feel after. Most said, you will be able to rest easy knowing your child went to a good home, etc... blah blah blah or <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">similar</span>. I didn't feel one PAP really had a clue about the after effects of adoption on the first parent or the child. I wanted to send them all comments that said - prior to adopting, please read "Primal Wound" or something. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Every time</span> I think perhaps people are getting grasp on the actually aftermath of adoption, I see there is a "fresh crop" of people adopting without a clue as to what they are in for. I know another blogger out there who is in the process of adopting. She gets it. She will be a wonderful adoptive parent because she is an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">adoptee</span>, she gets that it, isn't that easy. I would have loved to have found ONE letter that said "We understand that you will suffer for the rest of your life after this, we know that our wonderful completion of our family will be at your expense. We know this child will suffer feelings of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">abandonment</span> and we will do our best to help them deal with that as well as help them build whatever relationship with you that they want or need in the future. We will never guilt them because of the deep "need to know" feelings inside them. We promise to read "The Primal Wound" annually and keep it by our bedside just in case." oh well... I never found that letter...<br /><br />Hugs!KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-3052441716068240582009-02-26T18:50:00.000-06:002009-02-26T18:51:41.054-06:00R I P LydiaHeaven has welcomed another angel...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lydialimeieikomiyashita">http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lydialimeieikomiyashita</a>KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-40148824242771540382009-02-26T18:34:00.002-06:002009-02-26T18:44:27.416-06:00Adoption Reunion BluesI have heard from my daughter once in 3 months. I sent her a cute little valentine's bouquet but no response. I suppose that I just need to focus on other things as I have a real life soap opera in my home right now. A part of me just wants to know why. I feel rejected. Is it something I said, am I not good enough? Old wounds. I recognize that. I am far enough along to realize that reunion is complicated and I am self assured enough to realize that the thoughts are products of the adoption coercion mind games I went through. It just is painful. There was a lack of any honesty to our relationship if you can even call it that. She didn't want to know the whole story, I didn't want to tell her. To her it was a fairy tale. She got the perfect life, perfect family. I gave her that, she is grateful. We have only e-mailed, I have never even heard her voice, well not since her infant cries at birth anyway. I keep trying to figure it out, even make excuses, like she doesn't have the natural love for me I have for her and all that...<br /><br />I miss her...KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-71766201465299302942008-12-19T20:54:00.002-06:002008-12-19T21:04:02.538-06:00I'm back :)I was afraid of who might read what I had to say. One person in particular. I was afraid if she read, if she knew the whole truth she might walk away forever.<br /><br />I have to figure it out though. I need to write. I need the comments I receive which keep me going and thinking and learning...<br /><br />I used to be KristySearching because I was searching to find her. Now that search is complete, I am still searching, searching for peace.<br /><br />So what I am saying is ---- I'm back, I need to be here. <br /><br />~~and if you do read this, just ask, it's your story too...<br /><br />Hugs to all!KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-32410948565825475612008-11-21T19:24:00.003-06:002008-11-21T19:48:55.386-06:00BreakTime for a break... Seems everyone is taking one and it is my time. I am going to forget about adoption until after the Holiday. I haven't heard from my daughter. It hurts, enough said... I am going to focus on my family at home. I have spent so much time on adoption for the past 5 years. Searching for her, searching my soul. It's time for me to dedicate more time to R & J, focus on them more. It is obvious my daughter isn't ready for any kind of relationship, not even friendship. Hopefully that will change but for now it is what it is.<br /><br />I love you all, all you wonderful <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">adoptees</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">nparents</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">aparents</span> & all...<br /><br />If you want to reach me...<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">kristysearching</span> (at) yahoo.com<br /><br />No drama... just <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">xoxoxoxo</span>KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-50946197940206315342008-11-19T15:29:00.003-06:002008-11-19T15:36:20.761-06:00It came and went...My birthday came and went. I turned 44 without fanfare and that's okay with me. I was okay with all of that. I didn't hear from my daughter. I haven't in awhile. I really thought I would, it was the anniversary of her first e-mail. I just thought I would get something, a MySpace comment, something... Like I said I haven't heard from her in awhile. It hurts. I am not going to go all over-dramatic on this. I've known for awhile the path this was taking. I just want to be a thought in her mind occasionally. <br /><br />I'll keep hoping, for now I just need to TRY to think of something else besides adoption for awhile. My good friend Suz is feeling big pain too, has to sort it out. Perhaps there is something in the water. More likely it is just adoption... <br /><br />Hugs to all...KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-19902788881145324072008-11-16T19:19:00.002-06:002008-11-16T19:40:42.335-06:00Closing in....Tuesday is November 18th. It's my b-day, but it is become a more important date for me. It has become an anniversary. Tuesday it will be one year since I received the first e-mail from my daughter. I can't even believe it. I mean for 22 years I worried about her safety, 22 years I mourned the loss of her. Then in one day... I find out the news she is alive, happy and well. Symbolic that it was on my birthday? To me, yes, because she didn't know it was and for another reason that is a post in itself.<br /><br />My daughter had wonderful parents. She had everything money could buy. She had unconditional love and support. She had the life I was told she would have and more. So it worked right? We have only e-mailed, never spoken or met, but I am so grateful to know her at least that much. So why hasn't the pain magically dissappeared?<br /><br />She is very grateful to me for giving her the life she has. The end justifies the means right? So why haven't I found peace and closure?<br /><br />Why?KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-7649184971057767852008-11-15T15:38:00.004-06:002008-11-15T15:45:38.816-06:00Honestly... Can you believe this??????I cannot believe in this day and age <a href="http://catholicexchange.com/2008/11/11/114414/">this</a> was printed....<br /><br />I will say again...<br /><br />I am a first mother, I never asked for or expected lifetime or even short time anonymity.<br /><br /><br />Yeah and love the way it blames adoptee emotional diffculties on birth families! <br /><br />Now we can forget primal wound and all that. Let's just call it attachment disorder wrap them in blankets and "re-birth" them to exorcise them of all their birth family demons. <br /><br />Yep I get a lil heated, but..<br /><br />I can tell who THIS article was written by.KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-11212723189120681952008-11-06T14:28:00.003-06:002008-11-06T14:39:16.742-06:00The eggshells hurt my feetI am tired of walking on eggshells, trying so hard not to offend. My feelings are real to me. That's why I blog. I am in pain. I see other first mothers leaving the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">blogosphere</span> due to the harsh <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">criticism</span> of others. I see them walk because away they are unable to express their pain without someone telling them they do not have the right to hurt. As if we should forever suffer for our "crime" of losing our child to adoption. <br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Geesh</span>, people, we all are hurt by this. My pain, my speaking of my pain, does not make yours less valid. I don't expect you to heal mine as I cannot heal yours. I don't expect you to believe that if I could change it I would. <br /><br />What I do expect, is the same respect I give to you. I read you, I learn from you, but never once do I attempt to tell you that you don't have a right to your feelings. That you aren't deserving of the ability to express and heal. <br /><br />I have lived guilt enough for any person and enough is enough...<br /><br />I'm <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">puttin</span> on some shoes...KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-21060710342467878332008-11-05T11:42:00.002-06:002008-11-05T11:44:21.341-06:00It's about hope...We won...<br /><br />I say "we" because we ALL won. It is time for change. Time to become a united country where the american dream lives again. I believe. I have hope.KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-38495432630010466862008-11-03T08:17:00.001-06:002008-11-03T08:19:29.520-06:00Tomorrow is an important day...So go vote, don't say it doesn't matter, don't procrastinate, don't forget...<br /><br />GO VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br /><br />btw...<br /><br />Go Obama :)KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-65939763043038209232008-10-28T20:35:00.003-05:002008-10-28T20:40:11.662-05:00My Daughter's Birthday23 years ago today I gave birth to a beautiful little girl... 3 days later I lost her to adoption.<br /><br />Today I sent her flowers, the first birthday gift I have ever been able to give her...<br /><br />Here's to hope...<br /><br />Happy Birthday Precious Girl!KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-13505266113290716152008-10-12T09:39:00.002-05:002008-10-12T09:48:17.842-05:00Adoption Break!This weekend has been all about hectic. I have been focusing on something other than adoption. Many of you who know me are aware that I have a 16 year old daughter at home. For the past two years life, her life and my life with her has been in upheaval. She is beautiful, talented and smart. She DOES NOT see that. She has been making all the wrong choices and putting herself in very bad situations. She calls herself "EMO" and we have dealt with kinds of very dangerous situations. I cannot go into any more detail than that. <br /><br />These past three weeks the situation has gone from bad to worse. As a matter of fact, I am in hell. I love this child so much and she is going downhill quickly. I have tried so many ways to get her help. We have excellent insurance but rules and regulations when the person isn't willing are difficult.<br /><br />I have to focus on my child right now. I have to help her win this battle inside herself...<br /><br />Love to all...KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-36913106830728290412008-10-09T08:56:00.000-05:002008-10-09T12:43:10.603-05:00I hate the "word"I read a bunch of blogs! I do, it passes the time, it helps me sort out all the tangled feelings I have. I read a A LOT of them. I read this blog all the time that pisses me off, but sometimes thats a really good thing. I love to be irritated and to feel challenged, it improves my thought process, it helps me grow. So now I am trying to grow. The adoptee uses the term abandonement when she speaks of her relinguishment. She has been in reunion years and years and loves her nmom very much. Her nmom loves her very much. They both blog about that love, however she continues to say she was abandoned by her nmother. So now, for historical purposes I feel the need to say something:<br /><br /><br /><br />I DID NOT FUCKING ABANDON MY DAUGHTER!<br /><br /><br /><br />To abandon someone would imply a "concious choice" to walk away. I am sorry, I didn't have the chance to make a "concious choice". Certainly I was old enough to make a choice but let's go back to where I was ...<br /><br />Here's the facts...<br /><br />I got pregnant... The father left me BECAUSE I got pregnant... Nobody knew I was pregnant until I told my father WHEN MY WATER BROKE! (God I regret not telling him so much, he was so supportive when he found out)... The adoption agency told me over and over how little I would be able to give her, how much better she would be with a two parent family, How could I even consider raising a child at this point in my life, How selfish it was to want to raise her, If I loved her as much as I said I did I would want the best for her, and the best for her certainly wasn't me...<br /><br />The agency used my love for her against me. They destroyed every ounce of self-esteem and self-worth I had...<br /><br />I didn't abandon my daughter... I would never want an adoptee to feel they didn't have a right to any feeling they might have and any way they may choose to express that is okay with me, it's their right and they certainly have earned the right to feel however they feel...<br /><br />So here I am just saying this for me<br /><br />I did not, would not, could not abandon my child...KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-44783080031032204742008-10-03T12:46:00.002-05:002008-10-03T13:00:00.967-05:00Stupid things people say...Today I had a conversation with a friend of a friend. The discussion began about troubled teens and I was talking to him regarding some help I had found for my daughter at home. When discussing the problems he was having with his young teen, he said not once, not twice, but three times... "Well, this is our ADOPTED daughter". Okay, so he doesn't know my history, but one would assume that if you adopt a child at birth, you do NOT continue to describe them as your "adopted" child. So, if he wasn't having <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">adolescent</span> difficulties with her would he have left the adopted part out?????? Like, hey if your good you can be my daughter but if you act up you are adopted!!!!!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">WTF</span>????<br /><br />I got out of the conversation quickly, I could see it wouldn't be long until he started telling me her behavioral problems must come from her birth family.... <br /><br />You know, one day, we will all be reading her angry adoptee blog and that makes me very sad...<br /><br />Hugs!KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-18518241380700435412008-10-02T21:08:00.003-05:002008-10-02T21:12:33.477-05:00Breast Cancer Awareness MonthThe colors of my blog have changed to remind the world that it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!<br /><br />I lost my mother to breast cancer in 1977. I was 13.<br /><br />This month and every month I remember what a beautiful loving mother I had. This month I honor her memory by dedicating a post a week to Breast Cancer Awareness.<br /><br />Blessings & Hugs to all!KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-46569058252771989542008-09-24T14:53:00.005-05:002008-09-24T15:01:44.920-05:00LDS Adoption infoI have been reading Firstmother Forum and finding out quite a bit from the links regarding the Mormon belief in regards to adoption, creating eternal families, etc... Some of it creeped me out!<br /><br />I have also found out that they lobby against open records. Read about it <a href="http://www.firstmotherforum.com/2008/09/mormon-opposition-to-open-records.html">here</a>, you can also follow the links included in her post. <br /><br />I believe in open records, I think you have to be aware of your opposition when trying to fight for anything!<br /><br />Hugs & Happy reading!KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-75166926856782907362008-09-19T14:34:00.002-05:002008-09-19T14:40:08.309-05:00Cuz I said so!<span style="color:#3333ff;">Just a note...</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">It is my belief that as a 1st Mom, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">NMom</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">BMom</span> or <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Birthmom</span>, whichever you prefer, you never lose the right to love your child. I know that many wish we would just <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">disappear</span>, but that isn't how love works. Suck it up and deal with it! </span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">It is my belief that every adopted child deserves their heritage and a link to their biological families. I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">know</span> that many would prefer never to be found, but that isn't how love should work. Suck it up and deal with it!</span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#3333ff;">Just a note on this bright sunny day!</span>KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1544364629529440682.post-39880606098633230742008-09-12T07:11:00.003-05:002008-09-12T07:34:11.153-05:00Grief - Part 2 (The Adoptee)I know some really cool <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">adoptees</span>. I know some really cool <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">adoptees</span> who have been denied contact by part of all of their natural families. IT BREAKS MY HEART! I read their blogs, I read their pain. They express it so well that when I read it as a mother it touches my soul. If I could find all of them, wrap my arms around them, and give them some small amount of a mother's comfort I would. If I could hunt down their <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">nfamilies</span> tie them to a chair and scream at them until they realized what they were missing I would.<br /><br />Since obviously I don't have the frequent <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">flyer</span> miles to do any of that, I try to listen to them, to read what they are saying, to understand they are in pain, and to acknowledge them.<br /><br />I posted last about the stages of grief and why I felt I couldn't get to a "healed place" about losing my daughter to adoption. I have begun to believe that there is a small chance I am the reason I cannot heal, that since I will not allow myself to accept than I cannot complete the "healing process".<br /><br />So now I think about the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">adoptee</span> grief, the grief of a child, feeling abandoned once and now as an adult facing abandonment again. How do they heal? How do they accept? Do they just say some people are assholes and accept their life without knowing? That sucks.<br /><br />Adoption sucks...KristySearchinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.com3