Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Origins - USA

I am a member and you should be too!

Origins - USA

The Blog of Origins-USA.org….
the voice for and of mothers' rights and keeping families together.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Dear Birthmother Letters

Recently my sister through a forward sent me a request from an old school friend of hers. Seems the friend is drumming up support for her "agency" adoption. It directed people to her "page" on the agency's website and allowed friends of the family to send a comment or message as a "plug" so to speak for the prospective adoptive parents. On their page, and others I browsed, were "Dear Birthparent" letters. I guess I was offended by a majority of the letters I read. I told my sister and she said truthfully she wouldn't have forwarded it to me had she realized what it was. I did not read one letter that addressed the pain the "FIRST MOTHER" would feel after. Most said, you will be able to rest easy knowing your child went to a good home, etc... blah blah blah or similar. I didn't feel one PAP really had a clue about the after effects of adoption on the first parent or the child. I wanted to send them all comments that said - prior to adopting, please read "Primal Wound" or something. Every time I think perhaps people are getting grasp on the actually aftermath of adoption, I see there is a "fresh crop" of people adopting without a clue as to what they are in for. I know another blogger out there who is in the process of adopting. She gets it. She will be a wonderful adoptive parent because she is an adoptee, she gets that it, isn't that easy. I would have loved to have found ONE letter that said "We understand that you will suffer for the rest of your life after this, we know that our wonderful completion of our family will be at your expense. We know this child will suffer feelings of abandonment and we will do our best to help them deal with that as well as help them build whatever relationship with you that they want or need in the future. We will never guilt them because of the deep "need to know" feelings inside them. We promise to read "The Primal Wound" annually and keep it by our bedside just in case." oh well... I never found that letter...


Thursday, February 26, 2009

R I P Lydia

Heaven has welcomed another angel...


Adoption Reunion Blues

I have heard from my daughter once in 3 months. I sent her a cute little valentine's bouquet but no response. I suppose that I just need to focus on other things as I have a real life soap opera in my home right now. A part of me just wants to know why. I feel rejected. Is it something I said, am I not good enough? Old wounds. I recognize that. I am far enough along to realize that reunion is complicated and I am self assured enough to realize that the thoughts are products of the adoption coercion mind games I went through. It just is painful. There was a lack of any honesty to our relationship if you can even call it that. She didn't want to know the whole story, I didn't want to tell her. To her it was a fairy tale. She got the perfect life, perfect family. I gave her that, she is grateful. We have only e-mailed, I have never even heard her voice, well not since her infant cries at birth anyway. I keep trying to figure it out, even make excuses, like she doesn't have the natural love for me I have for her and all that...

I miss her...