Today I had a conversation with a friend of a friend. The discussion began about troubled teens and I was talking to him regarding some help I had found for my daughter at home. When discussing the problems he was having with his young teen, he said not once, not twice, but three times... "Well, this is our ADOPTED daughter". Okay, so he doesn't know my history, but one would assume that if you adopt a child at birth, you do NOT continue to describe them as your "adopted" child. So, if he wasn't having adolescent difficulties with her would he have left the adopted part out?????? Like, hey if your good you can be my daughter but if you act up you are adopted!!!!!! WTF????
I got out of the conversation quickly, I could see it wouldn't be long until he started telling me her behavioral problems must come from her birth family....
You know, one day, we will all be reading her angry adoptee blog and that makes me very sad...
Hugs!
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5 comments:
Oh man. And he wonders why his daughter has issues. Gah.
Couldn't be the attitude her parents have taken, eh?
Poor child.
So why didn't you say something? Why didn't you ask him why he said that?
I could say it was because I emotionally had reasoning for not, but honestly it was because my 18 year old son desperately needs a job and is interviewing with this man's company. I know awful, huh... My son has been out of work 2 months and he needs the job before he loses his truck. That's the honest answer as unpleasant as it is...
Interesting....I am adopted. I was never referred to as the "Adopted" child, but it never changed that fact. I'm sure he said that to you, probably not to his daughter. Chances are he didn't mean to make it seem as if he cared for her any less because she was adopted, but more so to try to "justify" her actions. You are a mom, do you ever do that? Not make excuses, but maybe say things like, she's hurting because...or she's got anger issues because.... Well,I do.
In defense of that adoptive father...to me, he was crying out and venting. I have a 16 yr. old and do it all the time. Haven't you read the Primal Wound? I'm sure he wasn't blaming her birth roots for her issues, maybe just her acting out to some of the hurt/rage inside that she was going through due to the "relinquishment" by her birthmother. Makes sense to me. Children go through many emotions, especially as teens...and for many reasons, but do not dismiss the fact that an adopted child, no matter what reason they were adopted, feels on a very deep level an inability to receive love.
Sara-SantaClara
Interesting....I am adopted. I was never referred to as the "Adopted" child, but it never changed that fact. I'm sure he said that to you, probably not to his daughter. Chances are he didn't mean to make it seem as if he cared for her any less because she was adopted, but more so to try to "justify" her actions. You are a mom, do you ever do that? Not make excuses, but maybe say things like, she's hurting because...or she's got anger issues because.... Well,I do.
In defense of that adoptive father...to me, he was crying out and venting. I have a 16 yr. old and do it all the time. Haven't you read the Primal Wound? I'm sure he wasn't blaming her birth roots for her issues, maybe just her acting out to some of the hurt/rage inside that she was going through due to the "relinquishment" by her birthmother. Makes sense to me. Children go through many emotions, especially as teens...and for many reasons, but do not dismiss the fact that an adopted child, no matter what reason they were adopted, feels on a very deep level an inability to receive love, and that causes hurt.
Sara-SantaClara
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