The "Era" of Our Ways

There are many adoptee blogs that I just love to read. They give me hope that one day my daughter my want to know me the way these adoptees long to know their nmoms. I was commenting today on a blog post where an adoptee had been through difficult times establishing a relationship with her half-sister and it was just so obvious to me the differences in adoption eras. My friend S, who knows so much more than I do about the adoption eras had pointed out to me once the differences between the BSE Moms & Adoptees and the 80's (S & my era) Mom's and adoptees. I look at some of these wonderful BSE Adoptee bloggers who are denied contact by their mother. I think it was the shame that was used during that era to separate mothers from their child. Many of the BSE mothers never told their subsequent families of their first child. I can't even imagine holding that big a secret. In the 80's that all changed though. IMO in there wasn't as much shame involved in being an unwed mother. Adoption agencies had to change tactics. The mothers could no longer be shamed into giving away their child so coercion became their weapon of choice. I know coercion is a hard word, but how much more coercive can you be than to use your own love for your child against you. I wonder if they realized the long lasting effect this would have on the mothers. Did they care that many mothers suffered from PTSD, low self-esteem, debilitating depression long after the papers were signed and the deed was done? But I digress, my post today is really just observation, on how differently the tactics used by agencies in each era effected the lives and future reunions of all involved. How the tactics effect us still today, no matter in what era we experienced our loss, as we attempt to find some healing.

Hugs to all!