This is the Kubler-Ross model of the Five Stages of Grief
The stages are:
Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening."
Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"
Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."
Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"
Example - "It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
I was commenting on my friend, the totally not creepy Holly’s blog when I began thinking about grief. How we process it and why for some, myself included, we cannot find a true healing. In Kubler-Ross, healing is acceptance. How can people who have had such injury to their lives get to acceptance? I suppose for me acceptance would be to say that my daughter has another life that I will never be a part of and I am okay with that. Hmmmm tough one. What if inside I cannot ever be okay with that? I mean the “like totally okay with that” or the “it doesn’t affect me anymore, okay with that”. Even without acceptance I can move on, I can respect her boundaries, I can live my life, but what if I can’t be totally okay with that? Does that mean I cannot get to true acceptance? I cannot heal? Maybe that is why I have never been able to get to a “healed place” about the adoption. As a mother I cannot get to that acceptance of losing my child. Perhaps it is because I cannot accept the unacceptable. If that means I will never be completely healed than so be it…
Hugs to all….